Live Free, Live New

When I do not spend time with Jesus, it easy for me to get caught up in the secular world and allow doubts to creep in. However, and fortunately, there are some incredibly powerful Bible verses, Biblical-based songs (Britt Nicole and TobyMac, to name a few), and spiritual people that can all erase my doubts in a split second. It is only in my ignorance and selfishness that I forget the heart of God (unconditional love, grace, and mercy anyone?!). As believers and followers of the Son, it is important to remember the FREEDOM and JOY we have in Him. He gives us HOPE. Don't lose sight of TRUE freedom, joy, and hope, CRAVE them, and most importantly, crave the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is our advocate against evil, and is our Teacher in life. LISTEN to the Holy Spirit and read the Word, for they are both Advocates to us here on earth. Lamentations 3:21-25 says, "Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance, therefore I will hope in Him!' The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him." God is always faithful; each day is a brand new day with Him, for goodness sake! So, this gives us all the more freedom to move on to a new life in Christ each day! Yes, we can forget this all to often, but keep seeking Him, and know that when you have Him, you have all you need.

Restlessness

I am constantly restless, especially spiritually. I am restless for a few reasons. One, when I am not spending enough time with Him, I am quite unsatisfied and when I am unsatisfied, I become very restless. I think God intended it to be that way so that we can find true everlasting peace in Him alone. And two, I am restless by location. What I mean is that when I am home I often want to be at school. I know, it is strange! When I am at school I often want to be at home. No matter where I am, I am never completely satisfied. It's easy to forget that this isn't home. I know where I belong to Whom I belong. He is preparing a place for each and everyone of us.

As many of you know, I love being a world traveler and wish I could do it all the time, or rather just live overseas. I have a heart for unreached peoples and I want to serve God by serving them. I have noticed in my overseas traveling that I am less restless when I am overseas. I feel that I "belong" more abroad than in the U.S. However, I really don't feel like I belong anywhere, but I am learning lately how that is a blessing. I am constantly leaning on Him and remembering that Heaven, in the presence of the Almighty, is where I belong. Furthermore, it is completely okay that I am 'not where I belong' because it is where I am supposed to be right now as long as I am still in the presence of the Almighty. I can only find rest in Him, and as long as I am on earth, my temporary home, the only way to reach the most satisfaction possible on earth is to be seeking, serving, and loving Him. Find rest in Him. Take His easy and light yoke upon yourself and learn from Him.

    

Devotion

Devotionals. Are you devoted to the Almighty? Am I devoted to Him? Devotion is such a strong word, yet it can easily be misunderstood since we tend to use the words "devotional" and "devotions" loosely and all the time. We all need to be careful with these words and really think about what they mean, and what they mean to us individually. I often think of devotions as spending time with the Lord to help me crave Him more. I have never really thought of devotions as being or staying devoted to Him, although it is completely true. Being devoted implies their is a relationship. This is the beauty of Who the Son is. With Him, there is purpose in all we do because He cares for us and all that we are passionate about. It is amazing that God our Creator wants us despite our sinfulness, and wants us forever. He craves for a true relationship with us, and because of that fact, we should crave even more for a relationship with Him because it only makes sense to desire the only One Who will never let us down.

"Because Your gracious love is better than life itself, my lips will praise You." ~Psalm 63:3

Learning From a 4-month Summer

I technically had a 4-month summer, though it seemed much shorter than that. I will summarize each month and tell you what our faithful Lord taught me in each month.

May: I flew home from school on May 1. So weird considering I'm usually in school until around June 20! May was a very long month for me as was June. I felt pretty restless most of the time since everyone back home was still in school. Summer jobs don't start the application process until June, so I had to learn the importance of more prayer versus more thinking. Ever since entering university, I finally faced a question that I didn't realized I was avoiding: "Do I really want to be a teacher with all that the job entails (I learned that you don't just teach a subject, you teach students); why or why not?" I'm still praying about a lasting career and what I should major in. I must tell you I am still on the fence about education.

June: Because of my July trip and having to go back to school early August for leadership training, the only summer job I had was babysitting. Those kids have really grown on me these past 2 years! June was probably the hardest month for me because a team from my church went to my current favorite place in the world to help with work over there with my cousins, aunt, and uncle who live there. I prayed every single day (and had a few tearful moments) they were there for my own sanity because I so badly wanted to be there helping with my family. But I knew God wanted me on a different team for duties that could lead to a potential career (more on that in July). My parents, brother, and friends finally got out of school exactly 7 long weeks after me, so the days I wasn't babysitting I wasn't alone! June is emotionally crazy for me but one of the most prayerful times of my life. I'm so thankful that Jesus extends His love and grace in our times of extra messiness! That definitely draws me closer to Him and makes Him more attractive!

July: Finally! I get to leave this country! Nothing against America, but the American lifestyle isn't quite my cup of tea. I went to Europe to teach English since I have thought about teaching English overseas as a career. I'm not really sure how to explain it but it just isn't want I want to do. This is not to say I didn't enjoy the trip, I had super fun bonding with my teammates and the locals, as well as exploring the country. I had great conversations, lots of laughter (if you know me well, you know I absolutely love laughing, but then again who doesn't?!), and great adventures that I wouldn't trade anything in the world for, thus the praying in June for my sanity about not going on the other trip worked! God is so good and so faithful! Two days after I got back from my trip I got my wisdom teeth out. Braces+wisdom teeth out=not fun! Wisdom teeth in general aren't fun, but with braces it is extra annoying! Once my mouth fully recovered a week later, I only had a week left to hangout with people before roadtripping back to AZ to leadership training at school. I was so busy every single day that week with friends but it was great fellowship.

August: Drove about 23 hours to school (not all at once!) and definitely made time for play in Cali! Leadership retreat in northern AZ was amazing, not only because we had the pleasure of playing outside without the beginning of August Phoenix heat (I personally don't think the end of August is very hot), but because college student leaders worshipped all out and I felt like I was at the gates of Heaven. So refreshing; I had missed this over the summer. All in all, God taught me the power of prayer (yes I knew about it but I truly experienced it this summer), patience about my major for it will be revealed at the perfectly right time to me, and the realness of His omniscience.

Love Does

This is an excerpt from the book Love Does by Bob Goff:

What's your next step? I don't know for sure, because for everyone it's different, but I bet it involves choosing something that already lights you up. Something you already think is beautiful or lasting and meaningful. Pick something you aren't just able to do; instead, pick something you feel like you were made to do and then do lots of that. You weren't just an incredible idea that God never got around to making. The next step happened for the world when God dropped you on the planet. You're here and I'm here. God decided to have us intersect history, not at just any time, but at this time. He made us to be good at a few things and bad at a couple others. He made us to love some things and not like others. Most of all, He made us to dream. We were meant to dream a lot. We're not just a cosmic biology experiment that ended up working. We're part of God's much bigger plan for the whole world. Just like God's Son arrived here, so did you. And after the Son arrived, God whispered to all of humanity..."It's your move." Heaven's been leaning over the rails in the same way ever since you got here, waiting to see what you'll do with your life.

American Dream

There is a song by Casting Crowns called "American Dream." A part of it reads:

His American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away

--
As I get older, I realize that a career and family are hard to mesh together. I have never really wanted "The American Dream", whatever that is. I feel as though the American Dream is a cycle...repetitive. The American Dream reminds me of a 9-5 job. When I think of a 9-5 job, I think that it is difficult to pursue happiness because it seems as though you hardly get a break, downtime.

Most of you know that I have always wanted to live overseas. I love traveling because it reminds me of how great God really is. Going out into the world reveals His creative imagination of land and people groups. Personally, living in the States makes it so easy for me to live in my own little world. I truly believe that living overseas, especially in a place where you must learn the host country's language due to English not being dominant, making an individual "forced" (or obliged) to make connections with the locals. Sometimes, I learn the most when I am exploring God's creation and talking with His people all around the world.

The American Dream is different for everyone, but do you even want your dream to be "American"? Make the best of reality, but don't let "reality" stop you from chasing your dreams.

I follow the Creator of all things because...

He is my Hope in a hopeless world.
He knows me and my desires better than I do.
He loved me before I was born.
He forgives the unforgivable in you and me.
Despite our sinfulness, He has always and will always love us.
He chose to create me (and with purpose!).
He chose the cross so that you and I don't have to.
He never leaves my side.
I want to explore His creation with Him.
His timing is perfect.
He comforts me when no one else can.
Without Him, I am so restless.
He is faithful despite my unfaithfulness.
Only He can satisfy my thirst and hunger (which then makes me long for Him all the more which is good!).

What Moves You?

As I am realizing that I do not know what I want to major in, I have had to ask myself a lot of questions. Even though it is frustrating that I do not really like the small offering of majors at my school, the Lord is really making me search within my heart of "what moves me" and to not let that shape what is and isn't offered at my school. It is actually quite intriguing to think hard about what I really enjoy doing. It is even more intriguing (and calming) to know that God has known my passions since before I was even born. I have even been THANKING Him lately for knowing my passions even when I do not. The chorus of one of my favorite songs right not is as follows:

Don’t stop the madness

Don’t stop the chaos

Don’t stop the pain surrounding me

Don’t be afraid, Lord, to break my heart

Just bring me down to my knees, yeah

Sometimes when things are going too well for me, I tend to shrug God off, but when He brings chaos in my life, I begin frustrated and confused but I end up on my knees crying out to the Lord and seeking Him. So, even though I so badly want God to reveal to me what my major is and what my career is, I am enjoying being on my knees seeking the right relationship I need with Him, and being at peace with the fact that He will reveal in due time. For now I just need to be happily in love with Him.

The Shocking Truth

If 5 years ago I knew that God would be telling me what He is telling me now, I would have been in denial. I might be ignoring Him right now for a brief period. And somehow, I did know all along that this was coming. I did not want to face the truth: how my plan or idea for my life wasn't going to work since two things I wanted most were conflicting one another. I have always wanted to be teacher (probably only because I was a bossy child since I am the older child, I am rather organized when it comes to school, and I just simply love learning) but I have always wanted to do overseas work that doesn't involve teaching (but may involve either some sort of community outreach or business). So, since I desire more to do outreach overseas than teaching (and also my “passion” for teaching has dissolved, which now I realize was never actually a passion at all), now I am stuck with the daily battle (yes, daily, it’s awful) of how to get there (what do I major in, does my school offer that program, what organizations should I be connecting with, should I start learning a language now, what language would that be, do I find “the one” here or there, I know what area I want to live in but which country exactly do You want me to eventually live in Lord). Thankfully, this entire dilemma requires me to lean on the Lord for strength and answers, to pursue Him more, to trust that He has a specific plan for me and that it is way beyond my wildest dreams (it is always an exciting adventure with the Lord!), to try my hardest to worry less, to become more bold and less timid, and this dilemma requires me to have peace in the midst of this short season of drought until He finally reveals to me my next big step (which I anticipate to be what I should major in). One last note on teaching: I do have a bit of an interest in teaching English overseas, but I believe that is the closest I would come to a teacher career because, again, teaching is not my passion.

For some people, it is hard switching majors in college because they do not know what you want to do in life, especially at this age. It is so strange living your life for so many years thinking you know what you want to be, but then you grow up and live a little and think outside of the box. It is especially hard because throughout high school I did not have an open mind to exploring other classes such as accounting, psychology, and marketing that could have helped me see what other careers are out there because since I have always only looked at education, I feel I have no idea what else I could do and what certain careers entail. Nonetheless, I am so glad I am starting to look at what else is out there because honestly, I feel free (and it wasn't until about 8 months ago that I felt imprisoned by something I thought I wanted). I do not regret not realizing all of this sooner because my school’s education program is what led me to that school, and this school has helped me in so many ways besides academically. I am starting to realize my dreams and am going after them, and I encourage you to do the same. And it is okay for your dreams to change because that is essentially what happened to me.

Dream with Great Expectations

One of my favorite songs proclaims, “Lord we come with great expectations.” For so long I believed that I had did not have a right to ask God for things or to do things because He already knows the future and I did not want to change what would happen. I can now see how silly this is. God desires us to pray audacious prayers. When we come to the Lord with great expectations, we are showing Him that we know He can do anything and everything, that He is all powerful. When we have great expectations of Him, we desire Him to do something that reveals His glory, and THAT is worth wanting and expecting.

            I dream of a life overseas, bringing spiritual restoration to western Asia. I have dreamed of living overseas since I was 9 years old, and I have dreamed of bringing spiritual restoration to western Asia since I was 14 years old. I also dream of being a world traveler, and I feel sorry for those who have no desire to travel. YOU ARE MISSING OUT. Traveling abroad is very educational and exciting. You meet wonderful people and explore God’s glorious creation. I dream big, and when I dream big, I dream big for God because my goal is to bring glory to Him in all that I do and bring glory to Him throughout the earth. This is my dream because God so amazingly and lovingly dreamed life for me and you, so I want others to fall in love Him like I have.

            Are you restless? Are you unhappy? Do not settle; reach for the stars and dream BIG. If your dreams align with God’s dreams, He will make your dreams come true, and they will probably be better than you expected.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness. It sounds so beautiful on the receiving side, but on the giving side, it is difficult, especially if you feel the wrongdoing is unforgivable. The term "accident forgiveness" from Allstate Insurance sounds so appealing because of the company's mercy. No one is faultless so receiving forgiveness is uplifting. Even though I know the Son came to this earth to be the ultimate Healer and Teacher and then die for everyone's mistakes and I should thus be merciful to others, it's hard to not let my selfishness and narrow human perceptions get in the way. But, if we forgive people when they sin against us, our heavenly Father will also forgive us. If we do not forgive others, He will not forgive our sins. What great motivation to try to start truly and genuinely forgiving others!

My Rant on the World’s Food System, Especially America’s

Why do we drink cow’s milk? The only good reason (and I don’t believe it is good enough) I can think of is its availability/accessibility. There are obvious reasons why goats don’t drink cow’s milk and vice versa. I believe (and have read research on it) that once humans, as children of course, wean off their mother’s milk and don’t need it, we should not drink milk, especially milk from other mammals. Milk causes mucus and other sinus problems, as well as skin problems. William E. Walsh, M.D. stated in his book Food Allergies: The Complete Guide to Understanding and Relieving Your Food Allergies in regards to lactose intolerance in adults that “Mother Nature designed milk to be food for infants. Never dreaming that we would drink milk beyond the baby years, she invested little effort in creating the lactase-production system” (203). This means that we need the enzyme lactase (but don’t have it!) to easily digest lactose (the sugar in milk). In addition, milk causes mucus and other sinus problems, as well as skin problems.

Wheat nowadays is far from Biblical wheat. Biblical wheat was sprouted and nowadays wheat is highly processed (including processed into flour) and not so natural. Chemicals are even added into your “normal” loaf of bread. Chemicals/drugs (additives, dyes, colors, MSG, etc.) are added to nearly everything, including a lot of meats, fruits, and veggies. I believe deli meat is a slab of chemicals, including unnecessary sodium.

No wonder we now have so many health problems (gut, skin, overall health, etc.). Even in Canada there is a “healthier” version of Kraft’s macaroni and cheese.

I decided to write this post because lately I have been suffering from fatigue (along with trouble concentrating), headaches (sinus and non-sinus), joint pain (has been going on for a few years), stomach/gut pain (has been going on most of my life), off and on anxiety, and multiple skin issues. I have been doing a lot of research and a bit of experimenting, and believe that I might have a dairy and/or gluten sensitivity/intolerance. These food groups of course are delicious and addicting, but if I have relief from my painful symptoms, I don’t think avoiding these foods will be as hard as it sounds because relief will be worth it. I could go on about America’s food system and how the government and food producers could change America’s health for the better (after all, they do hold America’s health, or lack thereof, in their hands) by not adding chemicals to food, and treating animals better (causing less stress in animals, which then I believe we literally consume that stress when we eat American meat), but I’ll leave it at this for you to ponder.

Love God, Love People

Yesterday in one of my education classes, we watched The Ron Clark Story with Matthew Perry as the lead main character. It is about a teacher who leaves a North Carolina elementary school, a school where students are easy to teach, and moves to Harlem and ends up teaching the lowest 5^th grade class in the particular elementary school. Mr. Clark started teaching just before Christmas break, and he was the sixth teacher in that classroom already. You see, nobody believed in, or even thought of, the potential these students (poor behavior and all) could have. They weren’t really given any chances, and everyone in each of those students’ lives had very low expectations of and standards for them, so those 5^th graders started feeling like they weren’t worth saving in the education system and started not caring. There were even bets that Mr. Clark would be gone within the week. Mr. Clark set out to prove everyone wrong, including the school principal, and, oh wait, never mind, I won’t tell you the entire story. It is a movie worth watching. At the end a cried tears of anger, and then tears of joy.

The song above reminds me of the movie. It talks about loving the least, emphasizing orphaned children, because the Son served the least by adhering to their needs. He came to serve not to be served. If the King of kings was a servant to all, the least we can do is say hello to an the least of these/us.

An "outcast" for His greater purpose for me

I don't mean to sound irritable but I am so introverted because even when I am having fun in a big group (doesn't even have to be a large group), too many times in my life when I actually choose to talk, I am talked over and my voice drowns out, as if my voice doesn't count, as if no one knows I am there. This started probably around 4th or 5th grade, thus middle sucked. Okay well socially it sucked thus academically I thrived. Life didn't suck; I've never been suicidal. But since my social life is quite sucky, I have thought so many times, starting in elementary, that I could run away and no one would notice. Of course this is not true, but it goes to show how bad my social life is. This always gives me more desire to want to serve The Lord overseas because I've always wanted to escape America. I'm not going to go into detail about what I dislike about America, but I want you all to know that I don't hate America, after all it is where I've grown up and for now it is my home on earth. Ever since I was 9 years old I have had a great desire in my heart to serve The Lord overseas.

Now that I go to a private school (religious, but no religion forced upon students), I have become a bit more social (not much, but enough to be noted!) and now wish that I had gone to private school in high school and maybe in middle school too. And with this, I am kind of saying that in my life, I have put too much pressure on myself to be an overachiever in school and I haven't stressed enough socialization in my life. This leads me to my final piece in this entry: the rest of my life. I feel as though we (humanity) put too much emphasis in the nature of life: school, college, career, marriage, house, kids. You can probably envision living in suburbia with 2 kids, living in an average-sized house, and having neighbors in the same stage of life as you with similar-aged kids. I don't exactly desire this; it's too predictable. I don't want my life to be predictable by anyone, including myself. I want God to surprise me EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sometimes, I actually don't even want a home because I want to be a traveling servant of The Good Lord. But then I realize I want kids so that would only be possible for a short while. Needless to say, life would be boring if I were to follow "the social norm" thus I also think society/humanity puts too much emphasis on careers because they can easily take time away from people (including family) and this can become disastrous. I believe that God created us to worship Him and to bring glory to Him thus we need to invest in and serve others (and do it in His Name) so that we can enjoy life, living it to the fullest because we are only here by God's grace thus we cannot let the ways of the world get in our way. Of course we cannot possibly ignore the ways of the world but we shall not conform to it.

Now, you may be wondering how both of these paragraphs tie in with one another: my social awkwardness and how I desire to live a "different" or "unusual" life. Honestly, I do not know. I just pray that God will use me even in awkward situations, for His glory, that despite me not being social, that when I am social, I pray they are Godly conversations. I hope this first entry is not me sounding whiny and pitiful, but rather me pouring my heart out (and thus feelings). This first entry is just about how I have been feeling lately (and obviously in other times in my life). Maybe it is a wake-up call to others and myself to help the lost and forgotten who are still loved by the Creator but not by His people. Just food for thought, and THANK YOU for stopping by! Comments are greatly appreciated.