finding confidence

Why do I act differently around different people? Why do I only show my true self to my family? Even with most of my closest friends I am on the quiet side. Why was I afraid to get close with people in middle school and high school? Why didn't I have those spiritual conversations I wanted to have (and probably should have had)? Nothing bad happened in my life for me to be like this, I just have always been quite introverted, and that's okay. What's not okay is how I started viewing myself how society views women my sophomore year of high school, self-confidence shaken. Soccer players on my school team whom I looked up to were talking about diet, something I had never though of as a fifteen year old and never needed to. But they were not fat, and so their comments made me wonder about myself. I never was anorexic, but my eating was very disordered: less eating, even more exercise. Looking back, I looked sick physically (I progressively restricted food...it was bad toward the very end of this journey), and I know my mind and heart had been screwed with. I had offered this harsh world a piece of my soul, which led to less self-confidence. I still keep active, but less sports, especially since I am in college. College did help me to eat normally (most of high school I had abnormal fluctuating eating) since the dining hall is all you can eat...self-discipline and dessert are difficult words to pair together. I will no longer deny food or worship it. I need to treat my body well, especially as a woman, with whole foods (not under-eating or overeating) and exercising (not too much, not too little; I personally enjoy running, biking, and swimming!). My body is a temple that does not belong to the world, but to my Creator. And in order to be more confident and strong, I must find my confidence, and ultimately my identity, in Him and Him alone. I choose to change now and start my journey towards pure and true confidence, confidence that is not of this world.

Never forget that the model in the magazine does NOT really look like the model in the magazine.

Be your own individual.

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

Job security in a career that brings more than enough money home for unlimited clean water, food abundance from a quick grocery store trip, a strong roof over our head, at least two vehicles per family, education, plenty of clothes and shoes. These are just a few of the things that we take for granted and expect, and because of that, it is easy for us to be ignorant to all of the physical struggle all around the world. I want to live a much simpler life because that is where I will find pure joy and real gratitude. I think the best people to teach me that are the ones who barely have a roof over their head, have no job security, own no car, walk several miles for cloudy water, struggle to find food, own very few clothes and a pair broken shoes. If you can find any sort of contentment there, then you are the richest person on earth. Why? Because you can have so much joy with very little possessions, and that is a beautiful thing.

Joy vs Happiness

I used to think that joy and happiness are the same, but I have become literaturized (yes I just made that word up) and educated since. Happiness is an emotion that generally comes from experiences and circumstances. On the other hand, joy is much deeper and stronger and comes from our Creator. Happiness is an outward expression, whereas joy is inward contentment.Therefore, happiness is short-lived and joy is lasting. Joy is a state of felicity; happiness is brief delight. With all of this mind, it is difficult to argue against joy because don't we all desire everlasting peace and exuberance? I encourage you to seek joy rather settling for temporary happiness, especially since on the other side of joy is Perfect Love and Peace.

Ordinary

I do not want an "ordinary" life. I don't want to stay in one place. I don't want to live life "going through the motions." I don't want to live in an English-speaking country. I want to live a life on a whim for the One who gave me life. I do not want much of timeline, and I do not want anything holding me back from seeking justice for the poor and weary. I do not want a daily routine that is exactly the same everyday because that is when it becomes easy to be lazy and lose sight of the end goal. I want struggle because if I decide to push through, that is when I know what I am fighting for is truly worth it. I want hardships because it humbles me and reminds me of the One Who is greater than I, the One I am made for. I want to live a vulnerable life and life full of risk and taking chances. I want to live an atypical, intentional, full of abandon, and grace-filled life.

Is life how you envisioned it to be? What needs to change for you to get back on track for a full life with the Good Shepherd?

One True Love

If you know me well, you know that I have a lot of "favorite" songs because words mean so much to me. One of my favorite songs right now says, "til You are my one desire, til You are my one True Love." These lyrics remind me that no matter what and who He holds in my future, He is my One True Love. All too often, people idolize relationships, being in a relationship, idolize that person they are in a relationship with, the wedding, and even idolize the idea of marriage. If we shifted our focus on the One and only True Love, then we can love one another better. After all, we love because He first loved us.

earthly luxury or spiritual bliss?

Ahhh comfort. It is so convenient. But in this life, we are not called to convenience. We are called to step out of convenience and into inconvenience. Suffering on earth helps us long for our real Home. We are to be a generation of risk takers who embrace discomfort, because quite frankly, our lives and this world do not belong to us; we are blessed to even have grace and unending love from our Creator. So what kind of risks should we be taking? Risks that save souls. We are so undeserving of the grace we have been given, and this should give us the desire to tell the world the magnificent News! We all need Perfect Love and Perfect Mercy, but people have yet to be told and this Love.

He IS Love

"I love you" gets tossed around along. All too often it loses its meaning. Sometimes I wonder, "Do I even know what love is and what it means?" Today, for me, was one of those epiphany days. I was listening to "We Are Loved" by David Crowder Band and it hit me that God our Creator dearly loves us, and no one else can or ever will loves us as deeply and fervently as He does. How incredible is that?! I wish I could be talking with you right now so you could see my passion and energy about this! The One Who was so kind as to ever think about even creating us still loves and adores us despite us continually failing Him. He demonstrated His love for us by dying for us while we were still sinners; He does not merely love, He is Love. And nothing can tear us from that mighty, overflowing love. I hope you understand how powerful and radical His love is, that the God of the universe would care so much about us sinners. I hope I will never forget what love from God truly means and that I will strive to love Him that much more.